I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
