There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
