and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize