Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Only a mothe r could love this liver
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
