We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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