Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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