did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
