Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
