people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
