plz talk dirty to me
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
