Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
