I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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