I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
