Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
