4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
