First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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