I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
