I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
