I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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