you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
