Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
