thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
