I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
