So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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