I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
