I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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