dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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