...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
