I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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