I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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