I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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