so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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