I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
