I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
