Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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