doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
