Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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