Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
