You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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