I accidentally had phone sex last night
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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