you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
