I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
