I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
