btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
