how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
