I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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