WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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