if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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