i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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