1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
