who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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