Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
