# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
