My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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