he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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