so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's rum buckets o'clock
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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