We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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