So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
