i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We left the knife in your bed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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