its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
