Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
