I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she looked like the before picture.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
