I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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