The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize