i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
