that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
