so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
