who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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