worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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