I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
