Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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