she takes plan B like it's going out of style
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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