We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
