I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
